October 21, 2021 8:07 am
For this assignment, I choose my book collection. I began with approximately 131 books. The idea of getting rid of books, however, troubled me. I came in with a handful of books I know that I actively no longer want. I have a collection of books by Lois Lowry, which creates The Giver Quartet. I have never read past The Giver, and I have never planned to read past The Giver. However, this set was a gift, so I feel sort of guilty giving it away. I had this experience with several other books as well, such as Megyn Kelly’s book Settle for More.
It was a gift from my grandmother, but I have never been interested in autobiographies, especially about people I am completely unfamiliar with. I flipped around the book, read some of the language and felt it was not of interest to me. On the other hand, the book gave me some form of joy, almost like it could spark joy. So, I held onto it a little longer. I began researching the book, and discovered that the book “discusses the unwanted sexual advances she received from Roger Ailes while working at Fox News” (“Settle For More”). I had found this interesting, then began reading some of the reviews on Amazon, and found that she said quite a lot of things that I could not find myself agreeing with. I had mixed feelings about this book; it was a gift from my grandmother, but I didn’t have any desire to read the book. This book was the beginning of my “unsure” pile.
Recently, I found myself going to a couple bookstores in Kingston. I have a friend who started going to SUNY New Paltz, and she had never been to Kingston before, so I took her to Rough Draft: Bar and Books, and Half Moon Books. At Rough Draft, Gabby recommended to me How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America by Kiese Laymon, so I bought the book. This, however, is a habit of mine. A lot of the books that I purchased that are in my bookshelf I haven’t gotten around to reading yet. These books include Closing Time by Joseph Heller, Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey, and so many more. I suppose part of the “joy-sparking” pleasure in collecting books is the anticipation to read them. Something that sparks joy for me personally, is having someone share their favorite literature with me. Siddhartha was given to me by my girlfriend because she wanted me to have read her favorite book. Knowing that these books were given to me because people I love want me to experience something personal, that is both intangible and tangible, to them makes it more special. Therefore, all books that were gifts/recently purchased absolutely sparked joy in me.
Some books, such as the series including The Giver, were easily removed. A few other books I couldn’t remember where I got them. May I Kiss You? By Michael J. Domitrz, my double copy of Where the Girls Are by Susan J. Douglass, The Virgins by Pamela Erens and my double copy of Sheppard Lee, as well as two other books that I couldn’t recall buying/receiving made it into the “discard” pile. For this experiment, I also pretended like I could “discard” my copy of Franklin Evans or The Inebriate by Walt Whitman, which I read for class, because I disliked it so much. All together, I removed ten books. I was surprised I couldn’t get myself to remove more, and ended up putting Settle for More by Megyn Kelly, making it eleven.
All together, I left feeling pretty emotional. For a period of time, I flipped through Salman Rushdie’s Shame and re-read all of the little notes I left for myself. I read this book at the start of the Covid-19 lockdown, and felt that heart-racing and butterfly-filled stomach-aching (like the original meaning of “tokimeki”). The book was so difficult for me to read at first; I felt so unfamiliar with the language, and there was so much dissonance from myself and the author. Now, I have a tattoo for the book. In class, we’ve spent a lot of time talking about tattoos and how they memorialize objects, experiences and moments as a piece of art.
I also felt a little bit of pride when I was looking at my collection of novels by Angela Carter, which of course sparks joy in me. One of them isn’t featured in the picture since I am currently reading it, but I remembered the excitement I felt upon my attempt to collect all of her books. The book titled Honeybuzzard is a first-printing from 1966. The book is now called Shadow Dance, so it feels heart-warming to own the novel with its original name.
At the end of this experiment, I still had over a hundred books, which came to no surprise. This particular collection is the most valuable to me. I know that reading and literature holds a special place in my heart, so making room for more books (both on my bookshelf and in my heart) is always possible. Something I noticed was how the books that sparked the most joy were also the books that I had written in and highlighted. Maintaining the pureness and integrity feels unimportant: I want them to be specifically mine, with my own thoughts and notes inside of them.
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Hello!
I really appreciate the detail you went into with this assignment. I found myself feeling a lot of the same emotions you express here when I was going through my own book collection. I definitely had trouble getting rid of books that were given to me as gifts. There is that feeling of guilt that comes with it. You speak about the books you haven’t read very eloquently. I think everyone finds themselves feeling that spark of joy when anticipating reading a new book, however that book may also sit on the shelf for a year before they get to it. While you may have only removed 11 books from your collection, you still completed the process in a way that was being true to yourself. I know I also kept books that I’ve read a million times as well as ones I’ve never read based on if they still had the capacity to bring me joy.
By natalie hawkins on October 26, 2021 at 8:19 am