About a three months ago, I walked into my room after coming home from work to see a journal sitting on my bed. I was leaving to come back to New Paltz in a week from what was a disastrous summer. Between work, family, and a devastating break up, I was struggling mentally. I had a challenging time opening up to anyone about the feelings I was experiencing. I was isolated in my own head and could not escape. As I sat down on my bed, I picked up the journal. This journal was vibrant in having a white background with seven stripes of colors alternating between yellow, pink, blue, and orange. The journal has a yellow strap to secure the book when closed, along with gold rings to hold the pages. The title of the journal in gold letters read “thoughts and notes.” I was skeptical of the process at first because I had never journaled nor put my thoughts and feelings into any personal writing for myself. I was scared to reread my emotions along with finding the courage to not judge myself. I wrote one entry the week before returning to school and have not touched the journal until this week. I am hoping to discover if I will allow myself to lean into the process and let my thoughts go. I have a tough time committing to experiences that I know will benefit me. It is the feeling I do not deserve that satisfaction with the choices I have made.

Finding the courage to pick up the journal after putting it down for so long was intimidating. Not taking the initiative to work on myself when I was provided with a direct source was disappointing. I knew this assignment was the perfect opportunity to dive into working on my mental health. Each night this week before bed, I sat at my desk and took fifteen to twenty minutes of silent writing. My writing was not limited to a specific topic, I let my brain release what kept my mind running. Nevertheless, I saw a pattern in my writing. I would start with how my day went and all the positive aspects I encountered. Then, if there was anything bothering me, I would elaborate in a detailed description of how it was making me feel. I would also describe its influence on other events in my life. As I described to my roommates, they noticed a new task was added into my night routine, I was releasing my bottled emotions. I have two close friends that I share every detail my life with, but instead of relying on hearing someone else’s response, I reread my entries. Funny enough, I reread my first entry that I wrote over the summer. It was a shock to see how far I have come through the hardship. I feel like a different person from three months ago and was able to reflect on only doing one entry during the time I needed it most. During that time was when I needed discipline and structure to keep writing to manage my emotions. The observed benefit I have received from this experiment is my ability to communicate with others. If you are not able to regulate your own emotions, you can not communicate properly. I pride myself on building relationships with others due to healthy communication. That idea begins with an activity such as journaling to instill this practice on social relations.

This experience surprised me that I could go through with the task of journaling before bed every night. I was able to investigate how different each day was during the week and how it made me feel. Our lives can be so chaotic that we forget to focus on ourselves and well being. Slowing down and taking the time to focus on how I felt about my day or a certain event, validated my feelings. This addition to my night routine was something I looked forward to. Within the craziness of life and school, centering my mind was crucial. I did not have to think about journaling, I just did it. The process is now ingrained into my routine. Instead of finding a distraction such as putting on a tv show or movie, taking a drive, or listening to music on my phone, I was able to be in touch with myself. I have shied away from the difficult aspects of my life and shoved emotions down till they disappeared. This experience made me want to explore other analogue experiments to contrast the influence it has on my life. Journaling is a personal and individualized experience, and I am curious to branch out to analogous that require more than one person. This experience gave me the confidence to be upfront with my emotions and to find a safe outlet to share my thoughts. In a short week, journaling has helped manage my anxiety, gain distance from my experiences, prepare for a restful night’s sleep, and boost my motivation.