I chose to “tidy up” my closet, but I focused only on tops or shirts; particularly sweatshirts, sweaters, cardigans, and long sleeve shirts. I started with around fifty items, and removed fifteen from my closet through this process. When placing all the items into one common place, I realized just how many items of clothing I had and was a bit shocked. I found that this realization was a bit similar to the ones Kondo describes and that is seen in the Netflix series, where people do not realize how much they have until it is in one big pile in front of them. I found myself trying to rationalize how many articles of clothing I had right off the bat, and told myself that it is because I am from upstate where it can be colder, and that I in fact wore all of these items. However, I soon found out that this mindset would get me nowhere, and that I had to take a step back and really find the perspective Kondo describes.

After reading the sections from Kondo’s book and watching the series, I knew how the process worked, and I thought it would come relatively easily. However, I found the process a lot harder than I expected it to be. I am a regular cleaner, and enjoy going through my closet and getting rid of what I am not wearing after each season. This process though, was more challenging for me, as finding what sparked joy for me was not as easy as just getting rid of out of season clothes. I found myself thinking about everything that article of clothing was; where I got the article of clothing, who I was with if I purchased it myself, or who gave it to me if it was a gift, and what happened the last time I wore that specific item. Was the memory of that item a good or bad one, how did I feel that last time I wore it, who was with me the last time I wore it, would I find pictures of myself wearing this sweater or sweatshirt in the past, did I enjoy those pictures or did I not want them shared with others? All of these questions circled in my mind throughout this whole process, and made it harder for me to get rid of things. If someone in my family picked out that sweater for me I associated that item with them and found that it was harder to part with, even if I couldn’t feel joy with that item right away, or if a sweatshirt was from a place I traveled too and had great memories from that place I wanted to keep it. I guess in some ways that could be considered bringing me joy, but at the end of this process I felt as if I still had a lot of clothing, and was not successful in “tidying up”.

I think that this feeling of not getting rid of as much as I thought I would or as much as I should can be contributed to many things. Watching the show, the people cleaned their whole living spaces while I only tackled certain items in my closet. I think since I saw them get rid of so much more, I thought I should have more too. I think that this feeling also relates to my relationship with clothes. I have always struggled with body image, and I definitely realized that I have an attachment to certain things. If a sweater or sweatshirt got me through a difficult time or I felt that I looked a certain way in that article of clothing, I found myself wanting to keep it. Even if the item reminded me of that difficult time, or if I was not happy in the item but “looked good” in relation to beauty standards, I held onto it. This dynamic is something I did not foresee being so prominent in my life, and in my closet. Overall, this process opened my eyes to the bigger picture that Kondo describes, and I have come to conclude that I need to more clearly and distinctly figure out what kind of life I want after the tidying process. I think I will try this process again in the future, after I have more concretely decided what I want to get out of it, and hope for a more fulfilling and joyful outcome.